Sunday, December 14, 2008

What you know?

As i set off on my newest blogging excursion, im in a very deep thinking mood about how people perceive me. Dont mistake my curiosity for caring, because i really truly dont care how im perceived, not anymore. While in high school, i constantly got the "poor little rich girl" attitude from people. Some are naive enough to think that money solves all other problems. It truly truly doesnt, i grew up with the best of everything and never wanted for anything, but found myself increasingly unhappy. Which as ive gotten older, i have realized, not all that glitters is gold. Sure i had the best of everything, got my first big girl diamond ring when i was 11; wonderful luxury vacations in the carribean. All of it, couldnt make me happy. Most of the "friends" i had in high school never understood. No one realized that instead of time and attention, my mother bought me things to validate our relationship. We never truly were on the same page on anything, she was never in tune to what i was feeling. She separated me from friends and boyfriends who she didnt think were good enough for me, including my now husband. And part of me realizes now, it was her messed up way of protecting me, and protecting her public image. She couldnt have her princess hanging out with people on free lunch, or have a boyfriend whos parents didnt own their own home, at the time. i remember vividly, one argument we had over mark and his family. I made the point of, its a roof over their head, what else matters?? and all she said was, "lyndee is that what you want your future to be, which someone who wont be able to afford to buy you the home you deserve." At one point she was so desperate to get me away from mark, she offered to buy me my dream car. Im very proud that i didnt waiver in my conviction. All through high school i felt a prisoner in my own skin, and social circle...but im very proud to have been able to step out of that arena an come into my own on many different aspect. I befriend those who years earlier would have brought unto me a world of judgement, i befriend who i choose, for the people that they are, not what they have or if theyre the "IN" crowd. ive found my happily ever after with a wonderful man, were making our dreams come true together.. and thats what life is all and happiness.

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